Dating Advice!

electrolyte

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Have some advice for people who are dating? Want to ask questions about dating life? Here's a thread to get some help and offer some tips. Good luck out there, lovers!
 

BirdPerson.

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Oh, boy... this should be fun! What do you guys suggest to do when in love with somebody living approximately 2000-4500 miles away, who by all reasonable estimation hates your guts?
(This was only half sarcastic, i know i should give up)
 
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Oh, boy... this should be fun! What do you guys suggest to do when in love with somebody living approximately 2000-4500 miles away, who by all reasonable estimation hates your guts?
(This was only half sarcastic, i know i should give up)
that's easy
give up
why spend energy on something that you will not have

I mean, I know hate is a form of love - they're both the same emotion, polar opposite aspects of it.
the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
 

BirdPerson.

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that's easy
give up
why spend energy on something that you will not have

I mean, I know hate is a form of love - they're both the same emotion, polar opposite aspects of it.
the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
That's what I thought/ wad worried about...thankyou for being straight up though
 
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Jharkan

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That's what I thought/ wad worried about...thankyou for being straight up though
well, realistically, if you're pining all your energy on someone that's so far away,
and on whom you're convinced there will be nothing for you...
aren't you wasting energy that you could be using for something else?
 
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BirdPerson.

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I decided to edit this away, since it probably should be private, I just miss her.
Overall I'm good, I have everything I need right now, I just miss her.
 
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BirdPerson.

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How long has she been gone?
About a year and a half or so, I think.
It's just been on my mind a lot lately, I think it's because it's around the time of year I first saw her.
 

Peachy

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Was seeing this girl for almost two months now. Met from a dating app (since deleted it because tired of it). I kiss closed every date (she never declined any of it).

On the second date, she told me that her Dad is going through cancer. I told her I understood and would be patient.

Getting personal here - never did the deed. Only to about third base. I escalated quite a bit on the first couple dates. Then cooled it off a bit the past few because I didn't fully feel the vibes. We would watch a movie and she would rest her head on my shoulder, etc but sometimes you just *know* if the vibe is right.

I've never gone longer than 3 weeks without participating in *making nachos* with a woman before while beginning to date. 3 weeks was the longest so I already knew this wasn't looking good.

The thing is though.... I kept blaming the off vibes and the no sex due to the issue with her Dad. Anyone would be stressed out, I know. I would be. but why even be on a dating app if you weren't really ready to date or had other things going on? She told me she deleted the app at the beginning of November.

Finally this week, I acted like a chump and flat out asked her if she saw anything happening between us (we were kissing on every date, but it still felt stagnent. I was tired of living in the grey area).

She then gave me the "we should be friends for now" spill. From past experience - there's no return from that. From the past - I would've been like "alright, i'll be your friend" in hopes of becoming more down the road.

So finally I replied to a LJBF with "look I'm glad we met, but I rather not be friends. If you want to get on the same page as me in the future... you have my number".

It feels bad, though. Deleted her off any social networks we were both on. She does have my number, but I'm not really expecting her to contact me.

I felt like I showed a bit too much interest early on. Maybe killed things a little bit.

I feel bad about her going through what she's going through with her Dad. That's the part where me declining her "friendship" hurts, because I would be there for her. I just know that LJBF is usually a cop out excuse for a fake friendship. That's why I declined.

So, meh. Does anyone have thoughts on this? Did I do the right thing?
 
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Drwho10

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Was seeing this girl for almost two months now. Met from a dating app (since deleted it because tired of it). I kiss closed every date (she never declined any of it).

On the second date, she told me that her Dad is going through cancer. I told her I understood and would be patient.

Getting personal here - never did the deed. Only to about third base. I escalated quite a bit on the first couple dates. Then cooled it off a bit the past few because I didn't fully feel the vibes. We would watch a movie and she would rest her head on my shoulder, etc but sometimes you just *know* if the vibe is right.

I've never gone longer than 3 weeks without participating in *making nachos* with a woman before while beginning to date. 3 weeks was the longest so I already knew this wasn't looking good.

The thing is though.... I kept blaming the off vibes and the no sex due to the issue with her Dad. Anyone would be stressed out, I know. I would be. but why even be on a dating app if you weren't really ready to date or had other things going on? She told me she deleted the app at the beginning of November.

Finally this week, I acted like a chump and flat out asked her if she saw anything happening between us (we were kissing on every date, but it still felt stagnent. I was tired of living in the grey area).

She then gave me the "we should be friends for now" spill. From past experience - there's no return from that. From the past - I would've been like "alright, i'll be your friend" in hopes of becoming more down the road.

So finally I replied to a LJBF with "look I'm glad we met, but I rather not be friends. If you want to get on the same page as me in the future... you have my number".

It feels bad, though. Deleted her off any social networks we were both on. She does have my number, but I'm not really expecting her to contact me.

I felt like I showed a bit too much interest early on. Maybe killed things a little bit.

I feel bad about her going through what she's going through with her Dad. That's the part where me declining her "friendship" hurts, because I would be there for her. I just know that LJBF is a cop out excuse for a fake friendship. That's why I declined.

So, meh. Does anyone have thoughts on this? Did I do the right thing?
She's going through one the hardest things a human can go through which is the potential loss of a family member. No one is ready to date during or after something like that for some time. If you really want to be with the chick then help her get through it and support her. Maybe even take a trip to the hospital with her. If you just want to date a girl for the fun and sex that's fine, but don't expect that from a girl going through something like almost losing her dad. Keep looking for another girl, there's plenty of them who aren't about to lose a loved one.

Its perfectly understandable she wants to be friends right now because she doesn't know how you'd react if she ends up losing her dad. She'll be a lot more at ease with you if she understands that you'd be there with her if that happens. Even if the extreme doesn't happen its still going to be a trying situation as he recovers and she needs to know that you'll be there for her during that too.
I can't emphasize this enough too. Telling someone you'll be there doesn't mean shit you have to show them repeatedly especially for something this serious. If that's too much work to put in for this girl then she's not the right one and you'll do yourself a great favor by looking elsewhere.
 

TobyF

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That's pretty brutal peach. Sex is the last thing on her mind. Different people have different expectations. You go 3 weeks others go longer. I wouldn't even keep her number.
 

JenniLeigh

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Was seeing this girl for almost two months now. Met from a dating app (since deleted it because tired of it). I kiss closed every date (she never declined any of it).

On the second date, she told me that her Dad is going through cancer. I told her I understood and would be patient.

Getting personal here - never did the deed. Only to about third base. I escalated quite a bit on the first couple dates. Then cooled it off a bit the past few because I didn't fully feel the vibes. We would watch a movie and she would rest her head on my shoulder, etc but sometimes you just *know* if the vibe is right.

I've never gone longer than 3 weeks without participating in *making nachos* with a woman before while beginning to date. 3 weeks was the longest so I already knew this wasn't looking good.

The thing is though.... I kept blaming the off vibes and the no sex due to the issue with her Dad. Anyone would be stressed out, I know. I would be. but why even be on a dating app if you weren't really ready to date or had other things going on? She told me she deleted the app at the beginning of November.

Finally this week, I acted like a chump and flat out asked her if she saw anything happening between us (we were kissing on every date, but it still felt stagnent. I was tired of living in the grey area).

She then gave me the "we should be friends for now" spill. From past experience - there's no return from that. From the past - I would've been like "alright, i'll be your friend" in hopes of becoming more down the road.

So finally I replied to a LJBF with "look I'm glad we met, but I rather not be friends. If you want to get on the same page as me in the future... you have my number".

It feels bad, though. Deleted her off any social networks we were both on. She does have my number, but I'm not really expecting her to contact me.

I felt like I showed a bit too much interest early on. Maybe killed things a little bit.

I feel bad about her going through what she's going through with her Dad. That's the part where me declining her "friendship" hurts, because I would be there for her. I just know that LJBF is usually a cop out excuse for a fake friendship. That's why I declined.

So, meh. Does anyone have thoughts on this? Did I do the right thing?
Just my opinion, but... all your happenings (or at least the ones you share with us...) seem to have the same theme...
You're hyper-attentive on the sex part, and every thought and decision is based on what physical attention you're gonna get from it. Have you tried just the sex part, and NOT trying to DATE people. I'm sure they can feel that connection is muddied with the getting to the cheesey nachos part too. (and the entitlement of it all- no one owes anyone shit... even in dates...) It's not gonna help anyone to kid yourself.

She's got shit going on, she's from a dating app, no loss, no worries, just move on :)


(and three weeks is fucking nothing...o.0)
 

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Ok, trying not to yell at you. I was her in a sense. 15 years ago I went through a period where 7 family members died in a period of a year and a half, including my parents. My father was dying for years, but mom sort of made herself sick because she didn't want to live without the love of her life. I'm an only child and moved home to help with my father, my mom's craziness drove off housekeepers and all home health agencies. They can drop patients if the families are difficult. My dog died too, right after my father, and I broke up with my bipolar drug-addicted fiance. He stalked me and later lost his license to practice medicine.
During this time I responded to any kind man by fucking them, and withdrew from any man who seemed too forward/aggressive sexually. In the next couple of years I learned that predators came out of the woodwork under the guise of being a kind, sympathetic man. Those stories are too numerous to go into here. And a lot of friends even who said they would be there just vanished, and they were long-standing not a brand new person of 3 weeks. When something like this happens to you, you are bombarded with people doing the wrong thing, even if they truly mean to help.

You didn't understand and made this all about YOU.
 
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Peachy

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She's going through one the hardest things a human can go through which is the potential loss of a family member. No one is ready to date during or after something like that for some time. If you really want to be with the chick then help her get through it and support her. Maybe even take a trip to the hospital with her. If you just want to date a girl for the fun and sex that's fine, but don't expect that from a girl going through something like almost losing her dad. Keep looking for another girl, there's plenty of them who aren't about to lose a loved one.

Its perfectly understandable she wants to be friends right now because she doesn't know how you'd react if she ends up losing her dad. She'll be a lot more at ease with you if she understands that you'd be there with her if that happens. Even if the extreme doesn't happen its still going to be a trying situation as he recovers and she needs to know that you'll be there for her during that too.
I can't emphasize this enough too. Telling someone you'll be there doesn't mean shit you have to show them repeatedly especially for something this serious. If that's too much work to put in for this girl then she's not the right one and you'll do yourself a great favor by looking elsewhere.
That's pretty brutal peach. Sex is the last thing on her mind. Different people have different expectations. You go 3 weeks others go longer. I wouldn't even keep her number.
Just my opinion, but... all your happenings (or at least the ones you share with us...) seem to have the same theme...
You're hyper-attentive on the sex part, and every thought and decision is based on what physical attention you're gonna get from it. Have you tried just the sex part, and NOT trying to DATE people. I'm sure they can feel that connection is muddied with the getting to the cheesey nachos part too. (and the entitlement of it all- no one owes anyone shit... even in dates...) It's not gonna help anyone to kid yourself.

She's got shit going on, she's from a dating app, no loss, no worries, just move on :)


(and three weeks is fucking nothing...o.0)
Ok, trying not to yell at you. I was her in a sense. 15 years ago I went through a period where 7 family members died in a period of a year and a half, including my parents. My father was dying for years, but mom sort of made herself sick because she didn't want to live without the love of her life. I'm an only child and moved home to help with my father, my mom's craziness drove off housekeepers and all home health agencies. They can drop patients if the families are difficult. My dog died too, right after my father, and I broke up with my bipolar drug-addicted fiance. He stalked me and later lost his license to practice medicine.
During this time I responded to any kind man by fucking them, and withdrew from any man who seemed too forward/aggressive sexually. In the next couple of years I learned that predators came out of the woodwork under the guise of being a kind, sympathetic man. Those stories are too numerous to go into here. And a lot of friends even who said they would be there just vanished, and they were long-standing not a brand new person of 3 weeks. When something like this happens to you, you are bombarded with people doing the wrong thing, even if they truly mean to help.

You didn't understand and made this all about YOU.
I just contacted her and said that she was right in wanting to be friends and her dad is what's important

I hope I didn't mess up already