- Jan 11, 2016
- Reaction score
I think its really hard to get to know anyone, honestly. There is always a kabuki theater that happens... physical pantomime and a lexicon of shared language etc... it isn't necessarily a dishonest thing, it can be an entirely honest "who i am in this moment" sort of kabuki... but it isn't a whole representation of a person, its only a partial representation of that person filled to the brim with uncommunicated or poorly communicated symbolic substitutions of internal dialogues. That representation gets shaped with who we want to be, who we think others want us to be, our insecurities, and the secrets we don't want to share... then you take all that and you put it through the filter of an entirely different and separate entity... another person... and that entity interprets all that input and creates an idea of the person they are with in that moment. Over time some of those interpretations get crystalized into a definition of that person... and others remain mutable. But the truth is people are dynamic... they are always changing... and the definition we've created for a person isn't accurate beyond the expectations we try to hold them to. The gulf between my "self" and your "self" is so vast and so incomprehensibly deep... it takes a lifetime of committed mutual self and shared exploration to bridge even a fraction of that distance. And yet the most unfathomably cold reality is physics tells us our atoms might all be star stuff... but they can never actually meet and touch... or mix.
What I'm getting at is it isn't your fault... it isn't his fault... you probably both made mistakes, told lies, failed to meet each others expectations, and invested time money and effort in each other... so you don't need to resent him or be angry at him, you can just let it go... but you are you... you are a whole being... uncorrupted by the past... hurtling through space at impossible speeds... you ARE going somewhere... we are all going there with you on this crazy fucking space rock. No need to worry about the destination... its all entropy... just concern yourself with the inflight movie and meal. You've got a chance to cleanse the palette and make another go of things. And thats great... because your last go at it went sour and needed to be tossed in the rubbish bin. Congratulations! Our next in flight feature is Jaded, famous author... so start writing.
Edit: I just got a text message telling me I'm fucking terrible at comforting people... so I apologize if that made you feel worse.