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sad pandas support group

Discussion in 'Social Discussion' started by Eetha, Jan 12, 2016.

  1. Jaded

    Jaded
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    The real themildone

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    Someone at work today said "You can't fool me. You're a not nice person, you're a person pretending to be nice." And at first I was offended but then I realized it was kinda true.
     
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  2. Vanyanka

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    Cold-Blooded Damsel

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    Oh, please. You are an extremely nice person. The person who said that to you, on the other hand, wants to drag everyone else down so no one will notice how vile they are.

    <3
     
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  3. JenniLeigh

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    Batch Bettah Have My Money

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    First of all... they're wrong.
    Secondly.... they're fucking stupid, b/c pretending to be nice requires doing nice shit and BEING FUCKING NICE.

    So, like, fuck 'em.
     
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  4. savvy

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    goin' down to the yee-haw

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    Just sitting here waiting on a text telling me if my best friend since age 14 is moving 13 hours away or not.

    It's what her and her husband want, but I'm selfish and needy. So i need to prepare myself to be very excited for her.

    edit: husband moves may 1st, she will follow after selling the house
     
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    #2464 savvy, Apr 16, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2019
  5. barny

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    Math is money and money is math.

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    The last two weeks have been terrible; I recently changed worksites (I'm a temp), and the new worksite is awful. Terrible management, terrible work, and I'm not allowed to Turk like I was at the last site. I get home and just have no energy, so I haven't even Turked at home besides a few random hits here and there (mostly Audio Kites because at least I'm just listening to music and not really thinking). I was counting on Turking to help me pay bills and have a little extra spending money, but it looks like could be a thing of the past. Just bummed and out of breath...
     
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  6. savvy

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    goin' down to the yee-haw

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    I am what I would called depressed for the first time in 8 or so months. Too many changes happening at once and I am not dealing with it well. Also too much emotional eating which has led to gaining 10 pounds - everything I lost. Trying to be mindful of it, but I keep shoving food in my mouth regardless.

    Someone I thought had become a good friend since new years just completely stopped talking to me. I had made comments before how offputting she could be and how I was afraid of her, and then we became good friends, and then suddenly she ghosted me. Her reasoning is for the comments I made about her...months ago. No new incident happened. Her boyfriend was actually an even better friend, and he will still talk to me sometimes but has mostly ghosted me. I dance with them, so suddenly I'm very lonely out dancing.

    Another friend I've made in the same time IS a very good friend and will stay that way, but she is moving about 4 hours away soon. Managable for weekend trips, but right now I see her 2-3 times a week, so it'll be an adjustment.

    Best friend is moving 13 hours away in the next two months, she's staying to sell their house.

    The couple I lived with for 6 months, and the boyfriend started treating me poorly, well they kinda broke up (she moved out in January) and she swore if she moved back in with her parents, they would break up. Well she has kinda misled me about the status of their relationship. He went to therapy, and she told him a stipulation was he needed to mend things with me. Well he texted me last night. I wasn't really prepared. I won't be when I see him this weekend. He wants to talk. And I can honestly say, he is the worst thing to happen to her. So how can I be happy, even if he is working on himself? I'm not good at second chances because I always get burned. But if I lose her friendship, I will only have one friend left local. I am so so tired of making friends. I'm really sensitve and my feelings got really hurt. About 6 weeks ago she told me she had a project horse for us. Well I haven't even met the horse and apparently the boyfriend is super invovled so I feel like I got completely cut out of this. Also one of their fights was she spent too much time with horses, so I'm worried his interest and invovlement is just to get to my friend.

    also, I fucking hate my job so much. I told my management not to do a thing this year, and they did it, now the public is yelling at me about it. I'm on the edge of a complete and total breakdown because i cannot handle all this shit at once.

    I try to be ever the optomistic person. But I am getting pretty beat down right now.

    “I am and always will be the optimist, the hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improblable dreams.” - Doctor Who
     
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  7. humbleturker

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    Late reply but I think this kind of stuff is important. Even though we all struggle it's nice that there are moments where it's like "hey, right now, at this moment, things are alright."
     
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  8. humbleturker

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    POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING

    Had a pretty serious talk with my therapist last night. As many of you know, I have OCD and pretty high anxiety. I have irrational fears about almost everything you can think of. We're working on a ladder, basically choosing the smallest fears and exposing myself to them then working my way upward.

    Yesterday had certain topics but a few things really resonated with me at the end. I had seen another therapist last year but for reasons like financial and just my mindset at the time it just didn't work out. One thing my therapist from last year did talk about was mentioning watching a documentary watching The Bridge, a film about those who had jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge as a way of killing themselves. It featured interviews with people of the affected but also actual clips of those people jumping off to their deaths. Really harrowing stuff, and back in the summer I didn't feel like I could deal with it.

    The constant fear I've had obsessed over for the past ten plus years has been suicide (plus many many others) or self-harm in general. So seeing this was really tough on me, but last night I thought that there was not gonna be a time where I was fully ready to watch it, so I decided to watch it. My extremities got cold, my chest felt heavier and my stomach felt like it was constantly contracting, but I watched it from start to finish. And I was so proud of myself, even if after the fact I was still very anxious. I'm still feeling it today pretty hard but I think this was a good necessary step for me to take.

    Also, the specialist told me that I was a very likable guy, so that was nice to hear. It's hard to take compliments when you have always struggled with self-esteem but I hope I am getting to that point where I am getting a little easier on myself.
     
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  9. Metallica

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    Never free, never me

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    Came home yesterday to discover my wife trying to harm herself. I panicked and involved authorities. Not in the mind to elaborate further. We're in deep mental shit right now and I can't be a parent on my own.
     
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  10. themildone

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    the real Jaded

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    I'm so, so sorry. I know nothing I can say right now will make a difference, but you're in my thoughts.
     
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  11. barny

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    Math is money and money is math.

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    Thoughts for sure.
     
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  12. Jaded

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    The real themildone

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    I'm doing something very stupid. Very, very stupid.
     
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  13. themildone

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    the real Jaded

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    idk what to say but :hug:
     
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  14. Jaded

    Jaded
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    The real themildone

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    My nonsense is all small taters I just have to vent it once in a while. :hug:
     
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  15. savvy

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    goin' down to the yee-haw

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    <3 i dunno if you have family or friends up there, but if you need something, I know it's a freaking odd offer from an internet friend, but i'm just a few hours away. I have zero idea what I could do, but idk, I feel like I need to offer something.
     
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  16. savvy

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    goin' down to the yee-haw

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    Why do people suck?!
    Most people here know my saga of living with one of my best friends and her kinda crappy boyfriend for six months and him pushing me out. Well he hasn’t really spoken to me for a year. Almost exactly a year. And in that time I wasn’t welcome into their house. I had lived with my friend and her dogsnfor a year. I am very attached to them. One an old beagle, one a younger hound.

    Well I’ve asked about once a month for the past year to see them. One time last june my friend brought the younger dog to her barn for me to see her. But I haven’t seen Sam. The past three months Sam had been having seizures and issues and we knew getting near the end.


    I asked to see him 11 days ago. She never directly says no, but changes our plans so I can’t, very subtly.

    Well she tells me and at 10 last night that she euthanized him last Thursday. A week ago. She waited a week to tell me. She was “trying to protect me” because I had a rough week. He had another seizure and tore his ACL. She brought him home (to her parents because boyfriend and her are semi broken up.) she says for boyfriend and parents to say goodbye.

    I felt really fucking betrayed. I used to scoop his food out of his bowl to help him eat. I would carry him down the stairs when he struggled. If no one else was home I would give him the best bed in my bedroom to snuggle. I ended up leaving her my heated blanket because he loved it so much. I loved that dog. I took off work to take a shift to watch him when he was hurt. We watched Movies on the couch all day.

    [​IMG]
     
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    #2476 savvy, Apr 25, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2019
  17. ducky

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    fight for what's right

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    hopeless and helpless.
     
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  18. Despairagus

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    Droop Eyed Hoople Head

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    I'm not sure if SadPanda is the right way to phrase what's going on with me right now, maybe numb panda? There are so many balls in the court right now, it's hard to understand what I should be focusing on, what is the most important thing.

    My husband is away, he's only been gone three days but since we moved in together nearly 7 years ago, we've never been apart like this, and we have 11 days to go. He's my best friend, and the only human I've never gotten tired of being around, and above and beyond missing him I'm not there for him right now physically and that is really hard. His father had a series of major heart attacks a few weeks ago and decided to go to the doctor two days later (seriously, it's so ridiculous and amazing that he's alive) and was life flighted out to a hospital for an emergency stent procedure. He's a good man, and I love him as if he were my own father, but he is stubborn and that is not the extent of the life threatening issues he's got going on right now. That alone was terrifying. But, we both drove out for that first life-flight-helicopter-ride deal, I drove 90 mph from NJ to Ohio to get there thinking he was going to die on the way, bullshitting my husband about how routine this sort of thing is, and how not serious the fact that they life flighted him was, and how it's totally normal and no big deal, just to keep him calm. The drive normally takes us between 11 and 13 hours (big gap, I know) and it took us around 9.5 that night. Today he had his second surgery (his heart was too damaged to do it all at once) and they put in 4 stents instead of the planned 2. My husband had to sit there alone waiting for them to tell him his father wasn't dead, because I stayed home, because we thought that was the wisest thing to do considering our cat hates being left alone and we'd just come home recently, and I just feel so dumb for not going. When they did his IV, his heart stopped and he died for a bit, they brought the crash cart in. I talked with BigT (my husband) and he described the whole thing, his father's face going slack, the sound he made, his eyes going different directions, these are things that he will never forget, unforgettable things, and I wasn't there to hold his hand. I can be here for him emotionally all I want, but I wasn't there. He made it through the surgery, and he's doing well (they say) but that's kind of hard to accept when an IV caused his heart to stop. When he regained consciousness, he described it as the best feeling he'd ever had. When the 11 days are over, BigT will come home and his father will be alone and I know that he will never again have any sort comfort in that, if there ever is any, because my father is ill and I know that after that first near-death there isn't a point when you're not waiting for the call. Over the past two weeks whenever he couldn't reach him on the phone he got nervous and I hate to see it, I hate witnessing it, because I remember what it was like when my father first got sick and I just was waiting for that one last call about him, and here in NJ we're so far away, and he's a good man and I love him very much.

    On Easter we sat with my mother after everyone else had gone and talked about moving in with her and my father to help out in what is the autumn of their lives. She told us that the doctors now say my dad can go at any time. He has COPD, a pacemaker defibrillator, and blood cancer. They're not even worried about the cancer because they figure "something else" will take him first. Over the years he's had MRSA, crazy issues, infections, heart attacks, and my mother isn't healthy either. She has serious health issues but it's like she's a footnote in this crazy saga of dying fathers. This is a life phase everyone with parents who age goes through, and I understand that, but I hate it. Part of me feels like a veteran of this, my father first got sick when I was just out of high school, so it's been a minute for me. And I watched my mother deal with the very slow death of my grandmother and aunt, which she involved me in all of it like it was a training course in watching your parents or loved ones die.

    In all of this, this is the first time I have ever been alone like this as an adult. I have serious anxiety issues and have had to do things that normally BigT would do for me, or for us really. It feels so ridiculous to be nervous about writing out the rent check while I know he's sitting by his father's hospital bed. I know that I am not some pillar of strength, and that I don't have to pretend to be, but I'm having a hard time deciding what it is exactly I'm feeling, and what I'm supposed to be doing. I've been ready to drop everything and drive over 600 miles at a moments notice all week, and it will continue indefinitely I suppose. I'm juggling this feeling of loving two fathers who are both, at this moment in time, at risk of dying. BigT's father should recover and become better and stronger and live, hopefully, many more years, but mine will not. And all the hopes and dreams his father had for his life are basically squashed, only partially due to his health issues, and it isn't easy to watch BigT recognize that and process it and remind him that not everyone gets all the things they dreamed of. It's like my heart doesn't have enough real-estate for all this worry. And in my personal life, I've cut off my two closest friends of many years because I realized, with such obviously impeccable timing, that they were both toxic people who made me feel uncomfortable and unhappy whenever they were around. So even though they were shitbags, I don't have them to turn to.

    I'm sorry for this incredible wall of text. I know none of this is new to many of you, and our parents die, it's just part of life. I think, at the end of the day, I just wish I could somehow shield my husband from this experience. He's a good man, the best man I've ever known, and even though I understand that this is a sort of passage we all take in life, I don't want him to have to. And I will be so incredibly angry if I bury his father before my own. And holy shit you'd think with all this going on I could go get the mail from the mailbox or send the rent check or go grocery shopping without it feeling like some kind of fucking insurmountable task.
     
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  19. mboone73

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    Half-Ass

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    Hi. I'll try to put this as succinctly as possible. My dad died when I was 33 years old. I'm afraid that if that happens to your husband, there's nothing that you can do to shield him from that. It's something that he's going to have to go through on his own, but know that your support is going to be a huge help to him. I wish that I had something like that at the time. I had a 8 year old sister and a stepmother from the Philippines who had no one else but me. Hopefully I did ok by them, but I'm sure that you and your husband have the strength to handle whatever is coming.
     
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  20. Despairagus

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    Droop Eyed Hoople Head

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    Thanks, man. I'm sorry you went through that. This life stuff really sucks a lot sometimes.
     
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