Dating Advice!

mboone73

The Last Hit Poster
Contributor
Crowd Pleaser
HIT Poster
Half-Ass
Joined
May 9, 2017
Messages
20,565
Reaction score
54,719
Points
1,738
Location
Houston, TX
Gender
Male
What's the formula for someone who is very immature for their age? I'm asking for a friend.
 

Jaded

The real themildone
Administrator
Joined
Jan 10, 2016
Messages
46,608
Reaction score
123,815
Points
1,414
Age
123
Gender
Female
how about a 5 year age difference? 22 and 27
I still think that would be fine, I think once one is over 18-20 the age difference isn't really a big deal in MOST circumstances. (And to be a big deal I think it would have to be a much wider age gap. Something like 15-20 years)
 

Xandro

Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
440
Reaction score
1,054
Points
343
Location
Overlord Land
how about a 5 year age difference? 22 and 27
I knew of two dudes that were in their mid 30s that married gals in their early 20s. Doesn't matter. You're worried about what people think of you or what society thinks of you. We create these mental constructs or rules for ourselves out of fear.

It's no different than a video game. When I buy a game like call of duty, I know I'm going to die and mess up. I may even get mad or frustrated but its part of the process, its part of the game. I get shot, respawn, and go right back into the fight. I may even look on youtube to get a few tips for improvement but at the end of the day, I'm the one that still has to play the game. With enough time and experience, I'll know my own game plan and playing style, so that I won't have to rely on the world to tell me how to play.

A big name business person by the name of Gary Vaynerchuk was the first to sell wine online around 2000. People told him it wouldn't work. But he didn't listen to them because he's been a business person since he was 12ish. From is decade of experience, he knew he was on the right path through trial and error. In a few year's time, he took family's wine business from 3 million to 60ish million. He didn't listen to the nay sayers.

Another way to play the game is see the world from the eyes of non-duality. Not good or bad. Just experiences. A learning opportunity. Even the scientific method. Tony robbins once said that, 'life is growth', & 'progress equals happiness'. It's through the journey that you'll find your happiness because its only your actions and attitude that you can control. it's no one elses or the result. So don't worry about the things that 'may' happen. Let them happen, observe, and pivot.

 

humbleturker

Well-Known Member
Contributor
Crowd Pleaser
HIT Poster
Joined
Jul 8, 2016
Messages
10,554
Reaction score
23,278
Points
1,738
Age
33
Gender
Male
For those who are married or are in long-term relationships, how did said relationship begin? Was it a smooth process, lots of hiccups at the start, whatever the case might be? I think that could be important to show people there isn't a formula of winding up with someone special.

Vanyanka @Vanyanka Sondi @Sondi Squatty @Squatty
First people I could think of.

Yes, this is a 100% serious question. Genuinely curious.
 

Jaded

The real themildone
Administrator
Joined
Jan 10, 2016
Messages
46,608
Reaction score
123,815
Points
1,414
Age
123
Gender
Female
For those who are married or are in long-term relationships, how did said relationship begin? Was it a smooth process, lots of hiccups at the start, whatever the case might be? I think that could be important to show people there isn't a formula of winding up with someone special.

Vanyanka @Vanyanka Sondi @Sondi Squatty @Squatty
First people I could think of.

Yes, this is a 100% serious question. Genuinely curious.
Here's me trying to be helpful:

I've been with fiance for 6.5 years. Which is long term to me, but I don't know if that's long-term for everyone else. We met playing WoW. I was actually hiding from a creepy stalker dude in the guild, and we pretended we were together so he would stop bothering us. At first, I actually thought he was a little creepy (but less creepy than stalker dude) but he grew on me. For a while, it was just friendly stuff, got to know each other, added each other on facebook, all that good stuff. We were online/LDR for about 3 years. We "broke up" once because we weren't sure how it was going to work out with LDR since we wanted a 'real' relationship too, but we lived about 4 states away.

About a year after that, I ran into some weirdness and things aligned that his dad was gonna be passing through where I was and offered to pick me up and for me to move in and that was a little over four years ago.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows. We come from different... I don't wanna say classes but it is kind of like classes. I'm poor, I've always been poor, and I'm sometimes a little trashy. He's middle class through and through. That causes bumps sometimes, as does the fact that neither of us is exactly mentally healthy. But we bond over other things. (Mostly video games and tv shows.)

Okay, it's about this point I get to break out this gif



cause I'm half asleep and I ain't got a clue where I was going with this, or if I even answered the question, but I typed this shit out so deal with it.

edit: switched stable for healthy. Sounded more appropriate.
 
Last edited:

Squatty

.
Contributor
Crowd Pleaser
HIT Poster
Joined
Mar 17, 2016
Messages
21,286
Reaction score
44,989
Points
2,538
Age
35
Gender
Female
For those who are married or are in long-term relationships, how did said relationship begin? Was it a smooth process, lots of hiccups at the start, whatever the case might be? I think that could be important to show people there isn't a formula of winding up with someone special.

Vanyanka @Vanyanka Sondi @Sondi Squatty @Squatty
First people I could think of.

Yes, this is a 100% serious question. Genuinely curious.
My relationship was very fast but very smooth. I am a very direct person, so once I saw that the relationship was getting serious I started conversations about goals and expectations.
Do you want children? If so how many?
Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years?
How do you handle disagreements?

These are just a few examples, but if you can't agree on these, its best not to waste time in pursuing a relationship.
I never date someone unless I could imagine spending my entire life with that person.

My husband and I have only been married for 3 years, but in that time, I can only recall 2 arguments. We are a really good fit for each other.
 

Sondi

Goddess of soup
Contributor
Crowd Pleaser
Joined
Jan 12, 2016
Messages
9,018
Reaction score
33,771
Points
1,213
Age
34
Gender
Female
For those who are married or are in long-term relationships, how did said relationship begin? Was it a smooth process, lots of hiccups at the start, whatever the case might be? I think that could be important to show people there isn't a formula of winding up with someone special.

Vanyanka @Vanyanka Sondi @Sondi Squatty @Squatty
First people I could think of.

Yes, this is a 100% serious question. Genuinely curious.
I'ma do my best to keep this short and clinical (mostly because I have to go put the baby to nap in a few mins) :p

Married for almost 6 years, been together for... mmm .. almost 8 I guess? We met at work (didn't work together, but in the same division of a large company). I probably knew him/knew OF him for around a year before we started dating (wave hello-level acquaintance). He tried to talk to me a few times in the break area and I didn't take him seriously because he was attractive (lol) and I didn't know him and thought he might be a jerk (with a heart-melting smile). After a few weeks of flirting he invited me to his board game night, and I decided that was nerdy enough that he was probably OK. So we went to that, and at the end of the night when he took me home, he told me we couldn't date because I was too young for him (8 years difference, and I didn't know it at the time, but he was burned badly and cheated on by his ex-wife so he was super cautious). I said he should give me a chance, and we kind of left it at that for a while. Pretty soon he took me around to his parents, and we were "official". Fast forward about a year, we got engaged, married 9 months later.

Here's where the bumps really start and I won't sugarcoat: We bought a house (full gut reno job), and I was having issues with emotional infidelity. The constant decision making + communication and expectation issues caused us to have a Very Special Episode and we had a few very rocky months working that out (both of us decided we WOULD work it out). He learned a lot from his first marriage, and I think we mostly got through that patch due to his emotional maturity and patience and willingness to help me and work on love-as-a-verb.

After that, we haven't had anything more than normal disagreements, but all in all we don't fight much compared to past relationships I've been in. First year with the first kiddo was tough, but it was easier to work through with the groundwork of commitment and communication that we had already established.

So I didn't keep it that short, but I will say now our relationship is the best it's ever been, kids and all. You can't be complacent in a long term relationship. The excitement of a new person fades, and you need to work to maintain your relationship. Spend time together talking about the relationship, how you're feeling, and whether or not you're satisfied. Learn what makes your partner feel loved and DO THAT. Let them know what you need them to do, too.

We still have spontaneity and desire in our marriage, we make each other laugh, we find time for each other outside of the kids. Our parenting is strong and consistent because we take the time to work as a unit. There's nothing we can't talk about, and there's no person on the planet I'd rather spend time with.

So there you go - work on love, and don't be a jerk.
 
Last edited:

scrmcasey

Skynet Aide
Moderator
Gamemaster
Sole Survivor
Joined
Oct 14, 2016
Messages
6,281
Reaction score
17,960
Points
2,213
Location
PA
Gender
Female
For those who are married or are in long-term relationships, how did said relationship begin? Was it a smooth process, lots of hiccups at the start, whatever the case might be? I think that could be important to show people there isn't a formula of winding up with someone special.

Vanyanka @Vanyanka Sondi @Sondi Squatty @Squatty
First people I could think of.

Yes, this is a 100% serious question. Genuinely curious.
I have been married nearly 16 years. Met my husband on February 18th 2001 and we were married on July 2nd that year. I was 18 and he was 24. We were not madly in love, but had a series of unusual circumstances that are hard to share at this moment. Not a smooth process at all. I will say that nobody believed we would stay married and we had both sides of our families telling us to walk away at various points those first five years. I cannot imagine my life with anybody else now and am very grateful that he finds the patience every day to choose to be married to me.
 

humbleturker

Well-Known Member
Contributor
Crowd Pleaser
HIT Poster
Joined
Jul 8, 2016
Messages
10,554
Reaction score
23,278
Points
1,738
Age
33
Gender
Male
For those who are married or are in long-term relationships, how did said relationship begin? Was it a smooth process, lots of hiccups at the start, whatever the case might be? I think that could be important to show people there isn't a formula of winding up with someone special.

Vanyanka @Vanyanka Sondi @Sondi Squatty @Squatty
First people I could think of.

Yes, this is a 100% serious question. Genuinely curious.
Vanyanka @Vanyanka :writing:
 
  • Like
Reactions: A6_Foul_Out

JenniLeigh

Batch Betta Have My Money
Contributor
Joined
Jan 12, 2016
Messages
23,084
Reaction score
46,895
Points
1,388
Location
my napping spot
Gender
Female
Here's me trying to be helpful:

I've been with fiance for 6.5 years. Which is long term to me, but I don't know if that's long-term for everyone else. We met playing WoW. I was actually hiding from a creepy stalker dude in the guild, and we pretended we were together so he would stop bothering us. At first, I actually thought he was a little creepy (but less creepy than stalker dude) but he grew on me. For a while, it was just friendly stuff, got to know each other, added each other on facebook, all that good stuff. We were online/LDR for about 3 years. We "broke up" once because we weren't sure how it was going to work out with LDR since we wanted a 'real' relationship too, but we lived about 4 states away.

About a year after that, I ran into some weirdness and things aligned that his dad was gonna be passing through where I was and offered to pick me up and for me to move in and that was a little over four years ago.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows. We come from different... I don't wanna say classes but it is kind of like classes. I'm poor, I've always been poor, and I'm sometimes a little trashy. He's middle class through and through. That causes bumps sometimes, as does the fact that neither of us is exactly mentally healthy. But we bond over other things. (Mostly video games and tv shows.)

Okay, it's about this point I get to break out this gif



cause I'm half asleep and I ain't got a clue where I was going with this, or if I even answered the question, but I typed this shit out so deal with it.

edit: switched stable for healthy. Sounded more appropriate.
That's so cute and sweet.
OMG

My cunty heart feels something. :love: