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Discussion in 'Social Discussion' started by Eetha, Jan 12, 2016.
Thank you, love. I'm doing a bit better. Baby steps. How are things with you?
I've had better days/weeks/months/years .... but I think it will turn around eventually
Whenever I'm stressed, my mom shows up in my dreams. The annoying part is that my dream self always reacts to her presence rather than it simply being a dream separate from real life. Kinda wanted to barf upon waking this morning
Spoiler: sad panda rambles
Anyone else feel like crap after family gatherings? I used to be able to fake my way through them but with the kids it's just too hard - the baby won't go to anyone but me or my husband (who keeps trying to give her to people, triggering screaming fits from her), and my son has crying meltdowns over the tiniest things + refuses to talk nicely to relatives and just ignores people except his cousin and my mother-in-law, which I get, but then I'm stuck explaining him to people. I have a really hard time focusing on taking care of the kids AND trying to act like a normal person.
Now I feel all drained and gross and self-hate-y and I'm staring down 4 days alone with 2 kids while my husband flies to Denver for job interview tomorrow. And my MIL is usually a saint, but she's all salty about us possibly moving, and it's so unlike her I don't even know how to deal. I live 1000 miles away from my own family so I see it as something that just happens, and my parents were never angry about it (in fact, they helped me!)
Sad part about the Denver interview is as soon as he started looking into that, he got another internal offer here, and I could tell he was much more excited about it than the work he'd be doing there, so we will most likely stay put here anyway so it's a lot of trouble for probably nothing.
Spoiler: Literal nervous rambling/venting. Like this is a complete line of thought nonsense
I"m making myself sick this past week or two with anxiety because of book stuff. I paid for half of my editor fees (only $224 to go .-. )and realized I'm paying him to read this and literally tell me all the bad things about it and I just keep thinking about all the things he might point out and idk why I'm just really anxious about this. Like ridiculously so and it's dumb. and what if the first half is okay (which several people read) but then it falls apart. idk this is just over and over and over again and I hate it cause it's so stpid to be anxious over this. Like, yes, he's gonna point out things but that's okay. But what if I can't fix it? What if like I don't know how to fix the things he points out. Or what if he points out things I like and don't want to change. This is so ridiculous
edit: okay I know my writing doesn't suck, but my organization of said writing is not the best.
edit2: I went and posted my first chapter on a writerchat. lots of things pointed out but I didn't die, so that's nice.
To all of you beautiful sad pandas. The bamboo has arrived, please stop being sad.
Spoiler: Gigantic Picture
@Jaded fineeee I see how it is.
We will go play in the "gigantic picture" bamboo forest.
Here you get this.
It's perfectly natural to be anxious in this situation. You're putting yourself and your craft out there, and that's hard. But, you're also taking a giant next step and that's exciting and you should be proud! I know very well that it's hard to keep the anxiety under control. I freak out over just about everything. Often it's not necessary, and rarely does it help, but I'm still learning to control it. I haven't read any of your stuff, but I'm sure you're an amazing writer. I'm awful at handling criticism, even when it's helpful, so I get it. In the end though, it will only enhance your book. I'm sure you will be able to fix anything he points out. And if you don't agree with any proposed changes, it's ultimately your work. See, you didn't die after posting a chapter, so you'll make it through the edit as well. At least you have the nerve to put yourself and your writing out there. Kudos for that. That makes you a badass in my book. Horrible pun totally intended.
Here, you deserve this-
Thanks y'all. I was ridiculously worked up yesterday and I have no idea why. I seem to be better now.
Spoiler: big pic
I don't know exactly how to word this, but how do 'fix' someone who doesn't entirely want to be 'fixed?'
I mean, like someone that is not functioning at all other than eating and somewhat sleeping, not going to the doctor when they are sick, not bathing/cleaning. I don't know how to fix it. (This isn't a "SWIM" situation, this legit isn't me.)
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do. If they are not ready to be fixed and won't even go to a doctor, then most of your efforts to help will be wasted. Something needs to change in their mind to decide to get better first. You still be there for that person if its not too emotionally draining on you, just don't put high expectations on seeing a shift in their behavior until they want to get better.
You've got to put them in a situation where they have to change.
Til I am a sad panda
Never give up on them.
Spoiler: sad stuff
I should have a newborn right about now, if I hadn't lost my second baby. Or I should be about 18 weeks pregnant, if I hadn't lost the third. I feel like doing absolutely nothing except eat everything in sight, then sleep for the rest of the day. But there is SO MUCH I have to do this week that that isn't an option. Plus my son needs me. I just want to sleep.
Thinking of you. Hope you find the space you need to take some time for yourself <3 <3 <3
This is lame as hell
I haven't rambled on like I did last year on the boards about it, but it's still bubbling on the inside pretty constantly. I haven't even talked to her in over a year now. I miss my ex. I've stopped dating for a month now. I've met a few cool people in the past year, but none that made me feel the "spark" like she did. I feel completely embarrassed for still feeling this way and not sure why I still do. Maybe it's something I'm lacking on the inside. I stopped talking about her and to the few friends I have months and months ago, but I don't feel like I should still be feeling this year. It's been over a year and part of me still hopes we re-connect one day. I know I'm living in a dream world though.
I'm so sorry. Just know that you're in my thoughts.